Why doesn’t Buddhism support romantic love?


(Bell) (Bell) (Asking question in foreign language) If one of the basis
of the Buddhist religion, is love for Mother Nature. Why isn’t this also
equally true of romantic love between two people and their demonstration
of love for each other. Can someone repeat? Seems to be an interesting question. (Laughter) She asks if Buddhism
supports love for Mother Nature, why doesn’t it also support
romantic love between two people and demonstrations of affection
between two people. The Buddha is a teacher of love,
true love. Love for Mother Earth,
should be true love. And if it is true love
it can bring a lot of happiness to you and to Mother Earth. And romantic love,
if it is true love, it can also bring a lot of happiness. But if it is not true love,
it will make you suffer, and make the other
suffer as well. In the teaching of the Buddha, true love needs four elements. First of all:
Maitri – loving-kindness that is the capacity to offer happiness. If you cannot offer happiness,
that is not true love. In romantic love, if you are not able to help
the other person to be happy, that is not true love. So you should train yourself
in order to be able to offer happiness to you and to him,
or to her. Without that, both will suffer. The second element of true love
is compassion. Compassion is the kind of energy
that can help remove suffering; that can help transform suffering
in you and in the other person. If you cannot transform and take care of the suffering
in you and the other person that is not true love. That is why “Karuna”,
the second element of true love, should be cultivated
by you and the other person. Romantic and not romantic,
that is not important. What is important is
whether it is true love, or not true love, right? The third element of true love is Joy. If by loving, you make the other person
cry all the time, and you cry all the time, That is not true love.
(Laughter) Romantic or not romantic. True love is inclusiveness. You do not exclude, his suffering is your suffering, his happiness is your happiness, There is no individual suffering
and happiness anymore. In true love, there is the element
of inclusiveness, non-discrimination. There’s no separation,
no barrier, Between you and the other person. In that spirit you cannot say, “That’s your problem!”
No. Your problem is my problem My suffering is your suffering. So this is the fourth element
of true love. And if romantic love
has all these four elements, it can bring
a lot of happiness also. The Buddha did not say, never any
negative things about true love In romantic love
if you are successful. You will cultivate a lot of
loving-kindness and compassion. And very soon
your love will be all-embracing. The other person is no longer
the only object of your love. Because your love
will continue to grow. Your love will embrace
all of us! And happiness
will become limitless. That is the love
of the Buddha. That is the meaning
of the fourth element of true love:
Inclusiveness If it is true love,
it will continue to grow, and include more and more.
Not only humans… but also animals, vegetables, and minerals. And that is a great love. “Maha Karuna”
“Maha Maitri” And that is the love of the Buddha. (Bell) Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 comments

  1. My friend sent me his book "heart of the buddhas teaching" while i was in jail, and if it weren't for this man and his insights i probably wouldve killed myself.

  2. Մեսրոպ Մաշտոցը ազնվական Վարդանի որդին էր (ըստ Անանիա Շիրակացու՝ «ազատի տնից»)։ Հայաստանում ստացել է հունական կրթություն։ Տիրապետում էր հունարենին, պարսկերենին, ասորերենին, վրացերենին։ Սկզբնական շրջանում անցել է ծառայության հայոց Խոսրով Դ (մոտ 385-388) թագավորի արքունիքում, եղել է զինվորական, ապա՝ պալատական գրագիր։ Մոտ 395/396-ին դարձել է հոգևորական, և մեկնել Վասպուրականի Գողթն գավառը, ուր տեղի իշխան Շաբիթից ստանալով գործելու ազատ հնարավորություն հիմնել է քրիստոնեական համայնքներ, եկեղեցական դասեր։ Շրջագայել է նաև Սյունիքում։ Ունեցել է աշակերտներ, որոնք հետո դարձել են նրա օգնականները լուսավորական գործունեության ասպարեզում։ Այս շրջանում մտադրվել է ստեղծել հայկական գրեր՝ Աստվածաշունչը թարգմանելու համար։ Վերադարձել է Վաղարշապատ, որտեղ կաթողիկոսի նախաձեռնությամբ հրավիրվել է հատուկ ժողով։

  3. Maybe the Buddhist teachings will be easier for that cute girl, once she's over 30 and has lower sexual market value and subsequently less options. She appears to still yearn for romantic and sexual love. I know from experience this can powerfully disrupt the practise. It's harsh but may have some truth in it

  4. Interessantissimo, prezioso. Sono Cristiana e trovo perle di saggezza…
    Mi rammenta quel passo di San Paolo, nella sua lettera ai Romani, cap. 12:

    Romani 12

    1 Vi esorto dunque, fratelli, per la misericordia di Dio, ad offrire i vostri corpi come sacrificio vivente, santo e gradito a Dio; è questo il vostro culto spirituale. 2 Non conformatevi alla mentalità di questo secolo, ma trasformatevi rinnovando la vostra mente, per poter discernere la volontà di Dio, ciò che è buono, a lui gradito e perfetto.
    3 Per la grazia che mi è stata concessa, io dico a ciascuno di voi: non valutatevi più di quanto è conveniente valutarsi, ma valutatevi in maniera da avere di voi una giusta valutazione, ciascuno secondo la misura di fede che Dio gli ha dato. 4 Poiché, come in un solo corpo abbiamo molte membra e queste membra non hanno tutte la medesima funzione, 5 così anche noi, pur essendo molti, siamo un solo corpo in Cristo e ciascuno per la sua parte siamo membra gli uni degli altri. 6 Abbiamo pertanto doni diversi secondo la grazia data a ciascuno di noi. Chi ha il dono della profezia la eserciti secondo la misura della fede; 7 chi ha un ministero attenda al ministero; chi l'insegnamento, all'insegnamento; 8 chi l'esortazione, all'esortazione. Chi dà, lo faccia con semplicità; chi presiede, lo faccia con diligenza; chi fa opere di misericordia, le compia con gioia.
    9 La carità non abbia finzioni: fuggite il male con orrore, attaccatevi al bene; 10 amatevi gli uni gli altri con affetto fraterno, gareggiate nello stimarvi a vicenda. 11 Non siate pigri nello zelo; siate invece ferventi nello spirito, servite il Signore. 12 Siate lieti nella speranza, forti nella tribolazione, perseveranti nella preghiera, 13 solleciti per le necessità dei fratelli, premurosi nell'ospitalità.
    14 Benedite coloro che vi perseguitano, benedite e non maledite. 15 Rallegratevi con quelli che sono nella gioia, piangete con quelli che sono nel pianto. 16 Abbiate i medesimi sentimenti gli uni verso gli altri; non aspirate a cose troppo alte, piegatevi invece a quelle umili. Non fatevi un'idea troppo alta di voi stessi.
    17 Non rendete a nessuno male per male. Cercate di compiere il bene davanti a tutti gli uomini. 18 Se possibile, per quanto questo dipende da voi, vivete in pace con tutti. 19 Non fatevi giustizia da voi stessi, carissimi, ma lasciate fare all'ira divina. Sta scritto infatti: A me la vendetta, sono io che ricambierò, dice il Signore. 20 Al contrario, se il tuo nemico ha fame, dagli da mangiare; se ha sete, dagli da bere: facendo questo, infatti, ammasserai carboni ardenti sopra il suo capo. 21 Non lasciarti vincere dal male, ma vinci con il bene il male.

    PS

    Una precisazione…
    Al minuto 6:03 avete tradotto "La mia sofferenza è la mia sofferenza", al che mi sono insospettita che non vi fosse un errore di traduzione ho riascoltato il monaco, nel mio povero inglese ho capito che diceva: "my suffering Is your suffering", quindi la mia sofferenza è la tua sofferenza, dopo che aveva detto qualche istante prima: la tua sofferenza è la mia sofferenza… Ovvero: Reciprocità.

    Probabilmente un errore di trascrizione.
    Mi scuso per la precisazione, complimenti ancora per questo video preziosissimo che farò conoscere, è troppo importante… È pieno di Verità ❤️

  5. We have the same in western Culture .
    Agape , Storge , Pragma , Mania , Eros , Ludus ; these are the diffrent aspects of love .
    Like you love your child ,friends, circumstances, a woman as a sexual object (partner) , playfull sex .
    You can see , if you are openminded , that every past relationship between people had diffrent aspects/characters of love.
    But we, the people need the mystic , confusion and stories so called religion !
    If you look /search for true love , you will not find.
    Respect, i think, is the closest thing to true love.
    But man , don‘t forget to life…
    (Excuse any mistakes please ,not my motherlanguage and have your own sight/opinion)

  6. I would love to ''Karuna Maitri '' to whom disliked the video ,hope they will understand the basics of love and existence of the nature. even if you follow other religion, these fundamentals are inevitable.

  7. Yes, I think a relation where we crya lot is a relation where we looking for a love by someone but is a love we would learn togive to themselves

  8. Hermoso Cierto El verdadero amor tiene una base profundamente espiritual lo demas es ilusion de la mente condicionada y sus apegos

  9. 新加坡的海水淡化会得肾病,日本只是拉拉肚子而已,水没有那么咸,人命关天,做生意要屏良心。

  10. If there is no discrimination in true love than romantic love ( or any love for anything "mine") is per definition not true love. In romantic love we exclude others. Also ' loving my own child, parent, pet, country, nation, race, football club etc.' is not true love, as it exist in it's exclusivity. That is how I understood his answer.

  11. love = attachment=suffering of lost and disappointment. romantic love is not forbidden except adultery. and you will keep in mind one day you will lost the one you love.or he will lost you.

  12. parece que tuvo que hacer un esfuerzo para no sacar de su presencia tanta estupidez. seguro entendió el español, solo que contaba hasta un millón antes de responder.

  13. Porque amar e y querer pertenecen a planos distintos. Al Ser y al yo respectivamente.
    El idioma español lo distigue.

    Lo que convencionalmente llamamos “amor” es una estrategia del ego para evitar rendirse. Estás buscando a alguien para que te dé eso que sólo puede venirte en el estado de rendición. El ego utiliza a esa persona como un sustituto para no tener que rendirse.
      El idioma español es el más honesto a este respecto. Utiliza el mismo verbo ‘querer’, para decir “te amo” y “te quiero”. Para el ego, amar y querer (desear) son lo mismo, mientras que el amor verdadero no tiene ningún deseo, ningún deseo de poseer . El ego escoge a alguien y lo hace especial. Utiliza a esa persona para tapar el constante sentimiento subyacente de descontento, de “no suficiente”, de ira y odio, que están estrechamente relacionados entre sí. Estas son facetas de un sentimiento profundamente arraigado subyacente en los seres humanos, que es inseparable del estado egoico.

    Eckhart Tolle

  14. lão già này vợ con đùm đề mà lãng mạn gì, có quăng lựu đạn thì có, đúng là cao thủ dối thế gian

  15. Хорошо ему!
    Нашел в себе Бога, отбросил всякую херню включая романтическую лубов,
    И наслаждается!!!

  16. When I was a young man, I followed Mr Nhat Hạnh. I loved him very much, all his teachings I let in my heart. When I was a real man, I thought twice. Now I am very afraid of him because he cheated me. Now I go far from him, he is very dangerous man because he has an expert tongue.

  17. Sono d.accordo. Io sono felicemente single e nutro amore incondizionato per gli animali con cui vivo. Mi sento in pace con me stessa e con la natura. Grazie Universo!

  18. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Meaning that 'Buddhist' teaching is all well and good, but what about those countries that are actually Buddhist? Well, that's when the wheels start coming-off this particular mumbo-jumbo train. 
    Are these places centres of spiritual self reflection and development? My arse they are. They're easily the most materialistic societies you'll every encounter, bar none, and as for 'self', oh there's no shortage of that. Selfies, self-indulgence, self-absorption to the nth degree, but funnily almost no self-awareness. 
    I live in one of these places and the reality is that superstition not spirituality is the cornerstone of life. Almost no one – including those who spend their days mindlessly chanting nonsense, has any idea what the core tenets of their religion actually consist of, but boy do they know how to gamble, drink, fornicate, lie, cheat and back-stab like Olympians. 
    Buddhism is given a free ride in the West, and with some justification, it's certainly by some way, a lot less militant than Christianity and way, way less Islam, but the idea that this tin-pot philosophy has any greater claim to eternal wisdom than the others is hilarious, it doesn't. They all belong in the ash-can of human history, along with slavery, small pox and witch burning.

  19. True love for "mother Earth" get cought in the middle of a desert or in a blizard and mother Earth will make you suffer. To experience true love it helps to experience some sorrow. You cannot make yourself responsible for the happiness of others. You give 100 percent of yourself without expectations and you will be happier. Don't spend your life waiting for someone to come and make you happy or suffer.

  20. It's simple. I love her dearly and would want nothing more than to be with her for all our lives. But ego gets in the way, people are not ready- everyone is at a different point on the path, going different directions, pulled by their desires. Sometimes, it just can't be.

  21. Romantic love is bullshit, but this true inclusive limitless love thing is ALSO BULLSHIT guys, cmon, we keep going from a lie to another…. Pbffff

  22. Romantic love is good for reproducing. The rest is mostly only serving ego satisfaction. We should be able to "love" anyone whether they sleep with us, or even know us at all.

  23. A buddhism follower asked to a buddhist monk a question, and the answer was: it's your problem. And every except the monk laughed.

  24. I come from a dysfunctional family of origin. As such growing up I had development challenges but true unconditional love can transform an individual to the state of kundalini awakening to the true state of being which is missing. Feelings of love and joy are felt.

  25. That's a lie. To love, u have to sacrifice something. Without sacrifice through suffering, there is no love! Human being is the centre of the universe, why loving the mother nature instead? Just like u love n take care more of your cat than your own children. That's a false n confusing teaching.

  26. I've given up on romantic love, it's an idea of your own making in which you use someone else in order to play it out.!

  27. Communist countries don't glorify sex,it is a overated act and can be beautiful or discusting,with God in your life,who needs a romantic relationship?he alone is sufficient.

  28. Shut the fuck up!
    Go and try educating those who really need to be educated.
    Hardly you'll be able to open your mouth in front of them – those who'll bash you for no reason. Unleash your useless anger (within) towards them. They are laughing at us with their bitches while stupid idiot like you keeps preaching to those who don't need that that much.

  29. La respuesta es sencilla, el amor romántico genera APEGO, y los apegos perpetúan el ciclo de las reencarnaciones.

  30. I'm not familiar with any religion that supports romantic love. The reason for that is romantic love is silly and childish. It doesn't last and therefore is not love at all. It is selfish infatuation. Love is a verb, it is something you decide to do. It is not a hole you fall into and can't get out, it's a conscious decision. Love is in your actions towards others.

  31. This title is misleading. I would word it differently…
    Budism supports true love. A love that prospers both entities.

  32. Begins with self love. If I raid a village take someone's wife her self love will preserve her to submit and go on living for herself and her future off spring. See how ridiculous romantic love is in the real life challenges of living life,comfort, leisure, and survival. Hedonism and consumerism in modern day is in essence barbarism.

  33. Buddhism is aware of the fact, that romantic love is a delusion. we in the west know it’s created by an extreme overdose of specific hormones. A nothingburger that nature gives us in order to reproduce.

  34. The sad thing is most woman outthere don't search for true love. They searching for good looking people and some searching for men with money or men with high popularity. It makes me sad that I am still single and have no girlfriend yet. My question is can we not have both: true love and lust?

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