Why Bother With Marriage?


It’s tempting to think of marriage as old
fashioned. Why not just live with someone and be done with it? What need for a public
ceremony? Why the weird traditions all those churches,
temples, hymns, vows and prayers? Marriage must be a silly relic from the religious childhood
of humankind, not designed for the more logical modern world. And yet it survives. The essence
of marriage is to tie our hands, to frustrate our wills, to put high and costly obstacles
in the way of splitting up. Why do we do this? Originally, we told ourselves that God wanted
us to stay married. But even now, when God is not invoked, we keeping making sure that
marriage is rather hard to undo. For one thing, you carefully invite everyone you know to
watch you say you’ll stick together. You willingly create a huge layer of embarrassment
were you ever to turn round and admit it might have been a mistake. Furthermore, even though
you could keep things separate, marriage tends to mean deep economic and legal entanglements.
You know it is going to take the work of a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to prise
you apart. It can be done, but it will be ruinous. It is as if we somewhere
recognise that there might, rather strangely, be some quite good, though uncomfortable,
reasons why making it difficult to split up a union can be an advantage for its members.
The Marshmallow Test was a celebrated experiment in the history
of psychology designed to measure children’s ability to delay gratification – and track
the consequences of being able to think long-term. Some three-year-old children were offered
a marshmallow, but told they would get two if they held off from eating the first one
for five minutes. It turned out a lot of children just couldn’t make it through this period.
It was too tempting; the less immediate benefit of gobbling the marshmallow in front of them
was stronger than the strategy of waiting. Crucially, it was observed that these children
went on to have lives blighted by a lack of impulse control, and fared much worse than
the children who were best at subordinating immediate fun for long-term benefit. Relationships
are perhaps no different. Here too, many things feel very urgent. We’re angry and want to get out. We’re
excited by a new person and need to abandon our present partner at once. And yet as we
look around for the exit, every way seems blocked. It would cost a fortune, it would
be so embarrassing, it would take an age. This isn’t a coincidence. Marriage is a
giant inhibitor of impulse set up by our conscience to keep our libidinous, ungreatful, wild, desiring
selves in check. What we are essentially buying into by submitting to its dictates is the
insight that we are (as individuals) likely to make very poor choices under the sway of
strong short-term impulses. To marry is to recognise that we require structure to insulate
us from our urges. It is to lock ourselves up willingly, because we don’t trust ourselves. It’s a very unusual marriage indeed in which the two people
don’t spend a notable amount of time fantasising that they weren’t in fact married. But the
point of marriage is to make these feelings not matter very much. It is an arrangement
that protects us from what we desire and yet know (in our more reasonable moments) we don’t
truly need or want. At their best, relationships involve
us in attempts to develop, mature and become ‘whole’. We often get drawn to people
precisely because they promise to edge us in the right directions. But It is too easy to seem kind and normal when we keep going out with someone new. The truth about us, on the basis of which self-improvement begins, only becomes clear
over time. Chances of development increase hugely when we don’t keep running away to
people who will falsely reassure us that there’s nothing too wrong with us. Over time, the argument for marriage has shifted It’s no longer about
external forces having power over us: What we are correctly now focused on is the psychological
point of making it hard to throw it all in. For the last fifty years, the burden of intelligent effort has
been on attempting to make separation easier. The challenge now lies in another direction:
in trying to remind ourselves why immediate flight doesn’t always make sense; in trying
to see the point of holding out for the second marshmallow.

100 comments

  1. Playstation getting expensive especially in my country. Wonder what Ps5 will cost. Yea I got a lot of shit other than marriage to spend money on. Sex ain't worth the aftermath. Gamers will understand.

  2. Marriage is a legal contract requiring many signatures in triplicate; a great deal for the woman and a bad deal for the man when divorce-court hell eventually arrives. The odds of finding that really compatible life-partner for the long run are not very good. I'm single and retired, and over the years all the divorced men I've encountered were barely left with a pot to piss in.

  3. If a woman tells you she wants to get married because you make her "happy" that's a red flag. Why?
    Happiness is a mindset, which means that as she ages (nothing to do with maturity BTW) her idea of happiness will change as it will for the man, however the man DID NOT get married for "Happiness", he got married for the vagina and companionship.
    How can happiness for her change? Let's look at her default languages.

    Her first love language – money. Either you do not make enough to excite her anymore OR you make too much which requires you to be away from her more.

    Her second love language – attention. They love to be desired and to turn heads, its why they cover their faces with powder and toxic chemicals to appeal to both sexes (not just men), some argue they wear toxic chemicals to appeal to the same sex more often than the opposite sex. Either you make her feel sexy 24/7 or you don't look at her "the same" anymore.

    Her third love language – Adaptation. The female species believe that as a man you should adapt to her changes in life BUT DO NOT expect her to adapt to yours. Of course they will say they would or "I'm not like that" but statistically they're lying.

    Who do I personally blame? I blame their grandmothers and mothers OR lack thereof. As little girls they were not taught the role of a woman in a family & to some extent in society. So as they grew into their manipulative bodies & vain mindsets they created their own ideology of what it means to be a woman which sadly in current times repulse men (at-least the ones with standards) and will begin a life where they become damaged.

    Their outcome is limited
    1. Single Mom = bouncing around men hoping one commits to raising the DNA of another man
    2. Lesbian – deciding to scissor their significant other for as long as that lasts
    3. Alone – where they become bitter and grow a dislike in men due to their inability to identify the problems within themselves.

    As men we have to set standards high and also develop ourselves (physically, spiritually, financially) first in order to retain respect from the female species.
    Girls will stop going to clubs for whoring hour if men would stop going there for whoring as well.
    Girls will stop makeup and surgery if men admit how dumb or ugly it actually looks and our desire for natural beauty
    Girls will stop divorcing you if you lay down your intent in marriage and for crying out loud STOP GETTING A MARRIAGE LICENSE!

    You DO NOT NEED A MARRIAGE LICENSE, do you own research about that, this way the state is not allowed in your affairs and due to NO CHILD SUPPORT given she may even try to work out the marriage since there is no monetary incentive to ruin her children lives by removing both parents from under the same roof.

    In closing one thing both sexes need to realize and some will through painful experiences, YOU CAN NOT FIX A BROKEN PERSON!

    Broken people BREAK normal people. Do everything in your power to find out if the person is broken or damaged before you invest your time, love and energy into that individual otherwise they will hurt you in the long run.

  4. Not every marriage is like this a lot of people are petty fucks and a few rare ones are not you gotta really sort through the bullshit first but it can work

  5. I'd like to have a marriage ceremony BUT I do not want to legally get married. I'm not signing away half my assets if my partner decides to fuck off

  6. Unless you know you got a nice conservative girl who won't back stab you, marriage is just too much of an unneeded hassle. There are very few women worth pursuing and those women are more than often taken so just stick to relationships and never fully commit.

  7. Marriage is shit and is just destined to go down hill My dad had to get divorced and he has no where to live but my place because his ex wont let him live in the house anymore and he hardly has any money any more and is getting worse and worse by the day and I've been to many Weddings and from hearing the Vows of Marriage I've decided I will be single for the rest of my life I may have A daughter or son or both but never getting married marriage is just giving up your freedom and becoming a caged bird and I'm not being caged ever

  8. I have a friend thats a pimp. He actaully married his whore. She makes lots of money and gives it directly to him. In this day and age that is the best arrangment a man can have. Your woman will cheat on you anyways…might as well give her permission and keep the rescources she secures from her simps. Win-win situation.

  9. I work in high Arctic oil exploration. It is a very well paying job, and I've been in it for ten years. I make six figures. We work in teams of two. I'm single, and have never been married. My field partner is right alongside me, in the same income bracket, but he is married with a stay-at-home wife and two kids. He's a really decent guy. We work six long, grinding, and physically exhausting, 12-hour shifts together in brutal climate and miserable conditions. After our six shifts we then get six days off. On my six days off I fly to another city, book a luxury hotel suite, hit they gym, dine out, order in an escort, read in the jacuzzi, write, do photography, enjoy steak and lobster and a glass of champagne on the hotel balcony, and pretty much do whatever I want to do. On HIS six off, he is under the thumb and whip of his pretty, but grindingly demanding, selfish bitch of a wife who presents him with a long list of shit to do, and other endless demands, while ALSO turning over his $6,000 take home pay to her. THIS is a good Man, and he is by no means alone in that marital slavery. Now, gentlemen reading this (especially you young Men reading this), CHOOSE your life, but for f#cks sake, don't choose THAT!

  10. Marriage is no good !!!! First come Marriage, Second is Divorce and lose all your Shit, or at lease… Half your shit !!

  11. Im 37 single, my nephew is 23 married but i look younger than him and I have more money than him. Lol…fucked marriage

  12. Marriage can be a good thing if you marry the right person now there lies the hard part: finding the right person. If you are careful, secure about yourself, self regulate emotions properly and respect yourself you might find a good person but most of us are so broken we find other broken people. I will never ever ever get married again or be in a relationship. Don’t ever take for granted being alone and single because the grass is NoT greener on the other side.

  13. I enjoyed being married. Being a young father, having children together..raising them…it was all bliss. Of course it gets boring at times but I loved the challenge of keeping it exciting. I adored my wife in the traditional sense simply for being my loving wife.
    Don't tell me being single never gets gets boring…it does. What gets boring is never having a purpose greater than your own.
    Every situation is different. We love to tell ourselves that the way we are living our life is the the perfect way…but if there is ANYthing humans are terrible at its predicting what they THINK they want in life

  14. I'm very upset with this video. It implies that the only reason anybody would want to get out of a marriage is because they want to see other people. What about poly-amorous relationships? What about couples who got married too quickly and perhaps one realized that they wanted something that the other didn't, what then?

  15. Marriage is literally suicide. At any time your wife can screw you over and have the courts backing her up. She's take everything you work for and leave you broke while she sleeps with every dude in the hood.

  16. Dating Websites:

    "I'm a 35 year old female with 4 kids from 3 different dads, no career, out of shape, low intelligence, and more baggage than a passenger airline.

    Seeking fit attractive young man who hits the gym 8 days a week, has at least a masters or doctorate degree, is an astronaut, net worth of at least one million, no kids, never divorced must love traveling and always give me attention.

    I know what I'm worth!" – Dumpster fire girl on every dating website.

  17. Marriage was instituted to bring about an order in civilisations where males would father and maintain their heirs. Unlike the previously practised, marriages turned out to be a healthy exercise to bond people and control males from mating with multiple females.

    Marriages have a longer tradition than religions. God did not establish marriage. I'm pretty sure the premise is quite not right.

  18. Damn. I see it so differently. I didn't get married to keep myself from traying. I got married because I loved my girlfriend, and I thought that is the next logical step. Growing up. I was so excited to be an "adult". I wanted my parents to be proud. It's impossible for someone to imagine what their spouse will be like in the future, and therefore to believe two people can spend their entire life together is ridiculous.

  19. I believe, that female nature is damaging to the souls of men. Living together with a women in a marriage is a slow death.

  20. Most women these days just spread their legs for all kinds of men anyway. Biggest Cheaters of them all, and total losers altogether. Been there. MGTOW is the way to go these days.

  21. Women have shot themselves in the foot. Todays woman is the woman of “don’t.” Men see this, and opt out. Today’s man is being told loudly and clearly that there’s comparatively very little in it for them anymore.

    Women say they ‘don’t’ wash; they ‘don’t’ clean; they ‘don’t’ have sex. Certainly not after the first few years in a marriage (interestingly, this isn’t the case when couples cohabitate. The sex rate for cohabitating couples is twice that of marrieds).

    The majority of the financial contribution to most households is from the man. Yet it’s the woman who spends the majority of the discretionary finances, and stands to continue to receive “support” long after a marriage is over.

    In many cases, after the wife gets bored or for whatever reason feels “unfulfilled,” she gets to file for divorce (70% of divorces are filed by the wife), and take half of the house, half the finances (whatever is left over after her spending), and is entitled to half his income for the rest of her life.

    The question shouldn’t be why men aren’t committing. It should be, “what rational, thinking adult would sign up for a lose-lose scenario like this, male or female?”

  22. They say "success is nothing without someone to share it with" but they didn't specifically said with your partner or lack thereof. So if I ever become wealthy I'm sharing it with my family and community #fuckrelationships

  23. started with Adam and Eve…….she saw the size of that snake ,told adam to "go bite it" (the Apple)……and they got kicked out of Heaven…….

  24. Marriage would still be worthwhile for men if it weren't so easy for women to divorce them. Yeah. When 80% of divorces are initiated by women it's a women problem. We men solve it for ourselves by going MGTOW.

  25. Hahaha. “Holding out for the second marshmallow”? What a bullshit statement. Maybe if that second marshmallow is long term misery, regret, debt, and a noose around the neck. Fuck marriage.

  26. "50% of marriages fail" is untrue, it's more like 99%. The marriages that prevail are most of the time dysfunctional and characterized by abuse, gaslighting, cheating, manipulation, peer pressure, codependency, and on and on and on… Which in my book is equal to failure. Divorce is actually the best that can happen. Why anybody would want to seal their fate to such a degree is beyond me. Learn to be just fine by yourself. Having a fulfilling relationship is just the cherry on top. But don't cling to it and attempt to lock it in with marriage. Know better ffs.

  27. I have no need to get married I do my own cooking my own laundry Mound house cleaning the only thing I need a woman for sex and that brings large expenses when she spits out a baby which I don't want kids I don't want my kids to know other kids that are bad and the schools are full of them thank God I had no children I'm doing my part at population control too many people not enough common sense

  28. Especially in a system that the majority of the time favor women and is used against men and father's. HELL NOOO!

    And then u wonder why a lot of men go MGTOW

  29. Liked the whole marshmallow thing. Plan for the future eh ? Ok so u don't get married but your friends do. You stay alone. Your friends have no time for you cuz they need to attend their families. Suddenly you wake up one morning alone and can't take care of yourself. How's that planning ahead? And at the same time u missed the good parts of creating a family. U missed the Christmas tree and your kids shouting daddy daddy. U missed the feeling of the newborn baby in your arms. U missed the feeling of returning home and talking to someone you care and cares about you. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with marriage. Human relationships just became more shallow and materialistic. Divorce arrangements make it so easy to split. Marriage is not the problem. It is us and the modern world we live in

  30. Modern females are not worth investing in financially or emotionally. Good men are busy enjoying a stress-free life with their hobbies. After watching women try to ruin the men from the last generation while bringing nothing of value to the table besides a used vagina, why would men even be attracted to you. You dont cook, dont clean, cheat and expect men to finance your lifestyles. Besides, with the burden of family removed, men have realized they can retire 10 years earlier. Men dont need to have kids. You do. A 1000cc bike, a Gibson Les Paul and some fine single malt and a man quickly forgets about the annoying, nagging, superficial selfie whore that is the modern woman. Ladies, enjoy your choices and being pumped and dumped by the same kind of guys over and over again. It is your karma and your destiny.

  31. Advice to the young men… Live with your girl… If you feel you are living with a true supportive partner and you are attracted to her, marry her. If you feel you are supporting an adult child, this will not change. You may be strongly manipulated by nearly spiritual physical intimacy with this adult child, but mark these words, that same passion of her's, unleashed with malice along with the support of the law and the cultural narrative that she can be nothing but a victim, will be your death a thousand.

  32. The comments here reflect the sample self-selected into here on the basis of the video title. An interesting unintended effect 😛

  33. It seem Marriage isn’t bad or good. It can be beneficial or not. In all logic, you should wait to see if you want to marry, not stress about “getting older” or “losing the good ones” TRUST ME, they wanna wait to. Handle yourself first, your urges are natural. You need to handle yourself, enjoy your life, become responsible, before you allow other people your in permanent plan.

  34. Just flip a coin and find out how likely you are to get divorced and lose everything. Really puts things to perspective.

  35. love that YouTube played a Harley Quinn ad right before this Marriage video goes on😂 perfect example of what love can do to you ❤️

  36. Marriage is a money trap if you want to keep your money don't do it,i mean look at me and Melania she won't even touch my hand in public gatherings

  37. Women generally don’t appreciate “good men” today. If they find one, they quickly start to see what they can get out of the situation. In many cases they aren’t looking to work with the guy.

    For many of them, the intention is to see how they can benefit from, rather than add to the situation. Guys see this now. Men are tired of being used. They can instead date as they please, without being tied down, rather being used for their resources,

  38. Everything before 20 seconds in was correct. After that, total bull shit. Marriage was originally to be benefiting the family for wealth acquisition. Therefore, marriage in a modern concept is really only for people whom "have wealth". The rest of us are better off without it. These are controls by the state and don't forget it. But if u want to the ceremony, go for it. Just Don't sign the contract ✌️

  39. We get forced into existence and then they try to force us to believe in these social constructs. It’s totally fine for a person to just exist, live how they want to live until it’s time to go. The average human thinks any of this actually matters.

  40. Well then don’t have children because there’s no use in having any if you’re not married.

    Edit: But of course the only reason to get married is to stay in this country marriage is suicide for guys for women they landed the car in the bag.

  41. Marriage is a losing proposition for a man but a woman hits the jackpot. To get married is to cut off your balls and hand them to a woman.

  42. I wonder what level of participation do you need from a partner in order to develop yourself in a relationship. What if you are the only one that is making changes and growing?

  43. This video shows exactly what happens. Dude puts in effort. Chic keeps browsing Tinder. Just not worth it when women are hooked on constant options and instant attention

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