Raising Daughters in God’s Wisdom – Jonathan and Wynter Pitts


hi I’m Jim Daly before we start today’s
program I wanted to give a brief explanation of what you’re about to see
in here we often pre-record our focus on the
family broadcast discussion sometimes months in advance that was the case with
today’s show recently we had the privilege of interviewing Jonathan and
winter Pitts in our studio here in Colorado Springs Jonathan is the
executive pastor at church in the city in Franklin Tennessee winter was an
author blogger and the founder of the magazine titled for girls like you she
was also the niece of our good friend dr. Tony Evans Jonathan and winter
previously served with dr. Evans at the Urban alternative ministry we recorded
this conversation in May of 2018 some weeks later in July winter was
unexpectedly called home to be with the Lord her passing rocked the Christian
community and of course Jonathan and therefore precious young daughters
winter was a young vibrant woman and a loving wife and mother she spoke life
and truth into young girls hearts and had a passion for guiding them into a
personal relationship with Christ as you’ll see during our interview with
winter in Jonathan they offered great insight into raising daughters and
passing along a solid faith you’ll also notice that they were real and honest
about who they are sometimes parenting can be messy but
when everything is wrapped up what matters is the legacy you leave in and
through your children for winter passing that torch came sooner than any of us
expected her legacy is carried now through her four girls
Elena Caitlin Cameron and Olivia we present this broadcast today in winters
honor and we hope that her words and her example will inspire all of us as
parents to love our children well because we never know what tomorrow will
bring thank you for joining us still just came in my room because she
just wanted to be with me and it just reminded me that that’s that’s what our
kids need they don’t they don’t always need our performance or our perfection
or for us to be teaching them or showing them something she just they just like
being with us welcome to the focus on the family
broadcast helping families thrive alright so describe your four girls how
old are they our girls are Alina is 14 years old so we have our first team
Caitlyn is 11 and then we have twin 9 year olds oh my oh girl pretty tight oh
yeah we have a Yorkie food and he’s a boy I was gonna say usually it is a girl
dog or a girl cat I mean it’s funny but you went with you needed some
companionship right when you first found out you were going to have a baby you
called Jonathan winter to tell him and what was he doing at the time this is
gonna out you right away but all guys are gonna love this what was he doing he
was he was golfing on the golf course and I called him and you know we weren’t
planning to get pregnant and we had reason we were really just married just
a couple months and so I called him kind of in shock and and I just told him and
he’s like wow like okay I’ll you know I’ll see you when I finish this round so
how did that make you feel what was the discussion like when he got home you
know why I left the golf course early so that somebody holds I think he isn’t
playing the Hat but what is it not but you know really I remember sitting there
on the couch and just thinking like we are so not ready for this oh yeah at
least one of us is not ready for this that’s amazing so paint us that picture
of the household with girls I mean I’ve got two boys so Jon you got to jump in I
listen to the x-rays your but what is that like having four girls running
around probably the bathroom fight is a big one yep bathroom clothes clothes
really anything you can think of that they either share or somebody maybe
breathing harder than the other one wants them to and then that leads to
some emotion and tears and yes it’s it’s a volatile atmosphere it’s a good I mean where is that positive aspect oh it’s
beautiful oh yes beautiful I love it I love every day I’ve loved every day that
I’ve parents of my girls but it is it’s like living in chaos with four of them I
think specifically so yeah there’s a lot of fun so you can go from tears to
laughter in a matter of seconds and back to tears everything’s just kind of an
extreme high so the extreme joy extreme passion extreme giggles like extreme
love like they you know just Daddy like chanting they never really chant for me
but and then they and then it just goes extreme emotional like how could you do
that to me talk about God and his relationship with you and how that plays
out in your parenting of the daughters you know I would say you know having my
daughters has been I think the most vivid and eye-opening experience in
really understanding the heart of God because I’ve had to learn what it looks
like to love and what it looks like to be patient and what it looks like to be
kind at a time where I’ve not wanted to be patient or kind or loving and it’s so
it’s it’s just the reality of like what generosity and what graciousness looks
like and what God’s done for me I can easily see it with my girls and the fact
the matter is I’ve you know we’ve been made to do it so it’s it’s been a
learning experience and like oh wow that’s what you were doing with me God
all along yeah you have a story winter about your daughter Kaitlin you kind of
set the standard for your relationship or her relationship with the Lord it’s
something to do with the puzzle Katy’s a middle girl and she is just a
ball of she’s only the one that it just kind of brings everybody back just the
life of the party always joyful just very happy and and she’s in the middle
so it’s just it’s just great to have her kind of bounce in everybody out but when
she was just a little thing she was putting together a puzzle and I remember
I was like doing laundry just getting the house stuff together and she called
me to say call me I was like mommy you know look I can put this puzzle together
really fast and so I’m like okay like give me a second so I’ll go over an hour
watch her and she just like flips it over without taking any of the pieces
okay so she’s pretty smart one of those wood puzzles yeah and just flipped it
over and then you know flipped it all the pieces were right
there to get this what she did do it super fast and I’m I remember having an
internal debate with myself because I’m like do I just cheer her on right now
and just move on and finish doing all the list of things that I have to do or
do I really like want to take this moment and and make it a teachable
moment and teach her like that’s not actually like you can say you did that
but that’s not actually the standard huh on how you judge how fast you put a
puzzle together you have to like take the pieces apart and and I took that it
was a harder choice it took more time and cost and it caused her to be a
little upset because she was she thought she had done something great and I had
to say like it was no you did do it but that’s really not the standard and it
really was just in that moment got really taught me like this is gonna be
the case we’re always gonna have to raise teach them to raise the standard
like no shortcuts and no like just because I got it done but did you do it
the right way did you take away in terms of the culture today
yeah and how kids grew up flipping the puzzle over yeah I mean that’s the
metaphor for life right parents that make it easy or too easy yeah for their
kids they don’t challenge their kids to think differently or to do the tough
stuff so that was a lesson she remembers that she remembers that yeah and so do I
because I was like man this was supposed to be a quick look and instead it was a
half-hour but Jonathan you you saw your daughter may be a different daughter I’m
not sure but in the book you mentioned how you could see her moving from
knowledge of God to a relationship with God yeah every parent raising a boy or a
girl we’re interested in that what was that experience and how did you see that
in your daughter yeah it’s actually my oldest girl who’s now 14 and it was a
neat experience because I prayed for you know all of our life all my life and
then even as we got married before we were pregnant I prayed for my children
and just prayed that God was just doing them what he did me and it was neat to
watch my daughter she had actually just come back from camp and just shared with
us that she had given her life to Christ how old was she then she was probably
eight I’m guessing remember eight or nine and so we were actually a church
service and they did an altar call she’d already told us she’d give her life to
Christ and you know if you grow up in a Christian home and
you really you know you really like for me my testimony is I don’t remember ever
a day not knowing the Lord like I you know I gave my life to Christ on several
occasions at several different church services and all that right like there
was this there was this clear I think brokenness I think in her where
she was realizing what God has actually done for her like she knew it knowledge
wise but there was a clear brokenness she had on the Sunday and service just
as we worshipped eight or nine years later nine years old some yeah and I was
just shocked at just the level of you know just the vulnerability that she had
that moment and she was in tears he’s in tears she’s crying so does the real
heart exchange not just a knowledge exchange and I asked her I said is
everything okay and she said she said yeah and I said to are your tears happy
tears or sad tears and she says happy tears and I mean it’s been really since
that day she was baptized shortly after that but it was really since that day
that we’ve I mean she’s not a perfect girl by any stretch and none of us are
but the reality is I watched her have a heart for the Lord that’s caused her
just to seek Him in repentance to seek Him in relationship to seek him with all
of her well and that’s what’s so critical and I think as a parent that’s
what we want to see you know children is how are they responding to the gospel we
take him to church now if you had boys you’d quickly learn that church is
boring dad I mean really we got to go to church again and so that’s usually the
not enough action action figures version of that from the girls yeah but it kind
of these principles that I really appreciated in your book she is yours
what are some practical ways to bring God’s Word to the heart of your family
yeah well I would say first it’s just getting them into God’s presence so for
us oftentimes as a family one of the things we’ve really tried to do and I
mean I learned this as a as a kid myself listening to focus on the family but
just the reality of just spending time and God’s Word together as a family so
whether it be the dinner table or before bed or in the mornings and when we start
our days every day with prayer and we’re always intentionally trying to get our
girls into proximity we can’t really get them in the relationship with God but we
can get them in the proximity and it’s their choice to choose the relationship
but just spending as much time as we can intentionally bringing them into just
the proximity of God let me ask you this question because again and John jump in
here with three girls of your own for me Jean and I will often
have this discussion about raising boys and you know instilling in them a
spiritual lesson in a moment usually means you’re actively doing something
with them you’re on a hike you’re driving somewhere and you just start
talking about a spiritual application it’s rare I think being a father of boys
to actually be able to sit down after dinner it’s okay we’re gonna have a
30-minute study and don’t fidget and you know boys just they have a lot of energy
physically and they’ve got to be moving usually in order to hang with you have
you found that different raising girls do they sit for you do they are they a
little less fidgety and we say doll you know we’re like you know family
devotions and I always have to clarify like it’s it’s not like this pretty
sit-down church service you know where Jonathan and I have prepared a little
message and we got a scripture written up on a board for the mirror it’s not
that at all I mean it is chaos and it’s dinner so it’s the end of the day
they’ve had used it you know had to sit still most of the day actually into
dinner they are wired and so it’s not pretty and it’s not fun and sometimes it
causes us to you know we’re reading a scripture and we’re like oh wait god
you’re talking you’re actually trying to teach us something right now but but
it’s just something that we still feel that the importance of doing it and our
prayer is just that our girls will see the priority that it is for our family
and that that becomes a priority for them regardless of the work that’s
required in doing it okay and I would also add like I mean I love what you
just said about like just getting more out and you know experience and not just
the bottom line is you have to have a foundation and a knowledge of God’s Word
because when you get into it an experience-based deal and you’re talking
with your child or you’re moving with them or you’re fishing with them or
whatever you’re doing they can go back to what the truth actually is so I think
the knowledge piece and I mean you have to sit down and you have to just instill
God’s Word in them but some of my most favorite moments with my girls and
teaching them about the Lord or just giving them experience and just
conversation is going to Home Depot just riding Home Depot with my girl walking
around or shown her a tool or do it just doing something where you know it’s not
just sitting at the table doing devotions or something like that okay
yeah I appreciate that we we did something
and the girls glom down to it they grabbed on to it more than the boys I
called it bagel and Bible where I would take him out for a bagel when they were
about 10 every week I’d take him out oh that’s interesting so the girls really
enjoy well that’s because it’s relational right for the boys it was
totally about the food for the girls it was about the time with Daddy Jonathan
being a father of four girls how do you express a Heavenly Father’s love to them
to help them identify with their life in Christ so often we hear about absent
fathers no fathers at all and the detrimental impact that has on girls
particularly I think both boys and girls obviously but girls seem to struggle
with a healthy identity then and we so often hear when they grow up to be teens
they will look for love in all the wrong places looking for that father affection
describe how a dad can really communicate a Heavenly Father’s image to
his girls yeah well first I would say this really what I try to practice is
just presence I think presence is more important than anything else what does
that mean for your dads that are too dense let’s be honest what did he just
say I don’t even know what that means so presence just literally being there
being there in the moments when they’re happy being there in the moments when
they’re sad being there just as many moments as you can be there you’d be
there and when I say be there it’s not just be there like you’re in the room
but it’s intentionally letting them know that you hear them that you see them
that you value them well again the point being that critical love connection so
they see a father’s love and they can understand it and we hear so many of the
negative stories where it didn’t happen and it causes a young girl to go off the
rails yeah and that’s a good thing for dads to be responsible for yeah and I
own it and I’ve not done it perfect by any
stretch and one of the things I really love is having not been a perfect dad
for 14 years just recently just this week I was looking at an article that
somebody did on my twins at their school and they said who’s your hero and they
said my dad so I’m like all right I’m not doing it perfectly but I’m still
their heroes that’s good now I went around the mom’s side you were a little
girl yeah so you can share the struggles with them how do you
approach inculcating kind of a spiritual attitude with your daughters as the mom
you know it’s interesting because even just going back a little bit to what
Jonathan was just saying about a growing up as a little girl without a dad that
was that was my story I grew up as a little girl without a dad in the home
and so even as I’m mothering my girls I’m seeing God through through
child-like eyes oh all over again and so that has been a neat experience and so
what it causes me it’s just it’s the same thing just being present I’m a
little more understanding with the emotions and some of the things cuz I
remember being 14 I remember just you know being 10 and 11 and all those
things um but really being present listening to them knowing it that like
letting them know that they’re hurt but then also just even in the emotion
bringing them back to truth so letting them know that their feelings their
emotions whatever is going on like we can be we can be there and I can
understand but let’s let’s go back to what God has to say about what we’re
dealing with in what we’re doing and so just my presence and being there and
pointing back to who Christ is which is so good let me move to the idea of
obedience I think you know again being a parent of boys this can be an area
that’s tough you know this is what we said to do you didn’t do it etc how how
is that obedience with girls sometimes challenge what does that look like
trying to get girls in line because my impression again is that it’s much
easier because girls listen far better sure but oh wise ones the parents of
girls tell me how I’m wrong or I’m right yeah I wouldn’t say it’s easier at all
you know I think I think about children and their wills and like some of our
daughters have stronger wills than others so I think there’s a couple
things that we need to think about we think about obedience and the first is
and once there always says this like choose your battles wisely like there
with girls especially there are some things that can just be an emotional it
can just go down and down and down and we’re battling we find out we’re
battling over something that’s really not even it’s not a biblical issue it’s
not even really a household standard issue it’s just something we have in our
head that we want so I just tend to think that we choose our battles wisely
but then also that we when they when we see them doing things that would please
the heart of God that we tell them that and make sure
so yeah just affirmation and so one of the stories in the book dealt with I
think getting the girls to bed they were struggling with that so I was just
really relieved to hear that but go ahead what was the what was the struggle
like you know our girls were just struggling to get to bed every night
we’re yelling we’re doing you know we’re trying all these different methods and
winter heard a method from a friend of hers I can’t quite remember the method
well she sure that I don’t really remember it either I just remember a
friend of mine it read this book and she said it really worked where when the
kids won’t go to bed what you say to them is mommy and daddy state when we
stay up it’s to get work done so if you’re not going a bit you need to stay
up and work so we thought like let’s try that like let’s tell them and so you
know they wouldn’t go to bed and I said you know we used to say we don’t want to
see you we don’t want to hear you it’s bedtime set out prayers all that and put
in a bit well of course we started hearing people when we start seeing them
so Jonathan I decided like okay when and try this we hadn’t read the book I don’t
remember what the book was I just know that my friend said it worked on her
kids and so we thought like okay let’s let’s get up put him to work so we said
okay whoever’s not going a bit like you need to get up let’s get to work well
that already we should we heard some giggling and some so we should have
known right then like let’s just stop this this isn’t gonna work though we
didn’t you know we thought like let’s try it so we started having him you know
full laundry somebody to clean about clean up their bathroom and some
different things and they were just enjoying it they were having applause
this is like 10 o’clock at night and you know we’re gonna stick it out because a
friend of mine said that this worked and so it’s just a matter of time right so
they are just having a great time and I think so you know one of them eventually
was like alright I’m gonna go lay down like I’m done and then another one was
kind of like okay like after the bathroom you know she was like I’m going
to bed well there’s we were down to like one left inch and I remember which one
it was but she just wouldn’t and so we lived we used to have a house that just
the back windows were just open and there was like a forest it wasn’t a
forest there was like a main road right on the other side but it looked like a
forest like kind of right behind the house and so we were out of things we’re
like what can we have her do would they already cleaned up all the shoes all
this often so Jonathan decides I’m gonna put her out back and tell her to sweep
off like the back porch head like it’s like dark and and so she looked outside
and she you know she thought about it for
a minute and then she decided like she was gonna go ahead and do that she was
she was not breaking ground she’s like I’m gonna do it so she stepped outside
as Cameron or strongest yes I don’t know what happened is she heard a raccoon or
heard something but she came flying back in the house it was clean the house was
I might try that winter you mention this a while ago but this idea of presence
how did you learn that your daughter’s enjoyed your presence yeah there’s a
story I’ll never forget that we were at dinner and I’m home full-time with the
girls and so there are times when you know at dinner time I’ve just just about
honestly speaking of I’ve had enough like I’m just not in a good place I’m
tired I like being quiet you know ready to
rest and I was just having one of those moods and I don’t you know just details
of the day had gotten to me and I was all in my head and um the the house even
Jonathan Jonathan the girls they were just excited at dinner it was a good
dinner they were happy and I just thought you know what I’m just gonna
remove myself from this situation because they’re happy I’m not I don’t
want to interfere with with you know the joy that they’ve got going on so I just
got up and stepped and went to the bedroom and I was just in my room and I
heard one of the girls coming down the hall and I braced myself and thought
like okay she’s gonna need something there’s some project that needs to be
done or something that I didn’t get laundry cleaned or whatever and I heard
she knocked on the door and I said come on in you know and I was just like what
do you need and she just kind of stood there and was doing her little little
girl thing that they do just kind of bouncing and twirling and I just looked
at her again and I said yes and she said I just wanted to be with you and I
thought like you just that’s it you didn’t want anything else
I was at my worst like I just was not in a good mood I wasn’t providing or
performing or doing anything for her and she still just came in my room because
she just wanted to be with me and it just reminded me that that’s that’s what
our kids need they don’t they don’t always need our performance or our
perfection or for us to be teaching them or showing them something she just they
just like being with us yeah so sometimes if we let
that garden just be with him no it’s a beautiful story and I think a reminder
how many moms would love that exchange that they’re not there for something but
just for them yeah I know a mother’s heart that just must have melted your
heart so okay this is good in a sigh relief because I didn’t forget like a
project you know it’s so amazing I think moms have this incredible capacity to to
look inward first unlike so many of us men you know they do look inside and so
Kate wherever I causes problem or fallen short it’s just the beautiful aspect of
motherhood what a wonderful conversation winter and
Jonathan thank you for giving us the inside look of raising girls and you
guys you’re still in it your hands with all the four girls at
home the twins here’s the question I have for you at the end parenting is
just as much about our relationship with Christ as it is about training our
children for that future why is that critical to us yeah I would say to the
degree that we actually are experiencing Christ in our life will be to the degree
that we can actually know that our children are seeing Christ so it’s
actually to me it’s motivation like to know that like I put my prayer is that
they see Christ in other people in other ways but I can be that to them and know
for sure that they see Christ in me so it’s motivation for me to grow and the
hope and the prayer is that as they see me growing in Christ they see Christ
modeled my life so you can only give what you possess
get what you possess yeah I like that thanks so much for being with us thank
you for having us hey I’m John fuller and thanks for watching get more info
about focus over here and more from our guests over there and be sure to
subscribe to our channel as well

39 comments

  1. Wynter pitts.. Her life, her death and now her legacy has forever changed my life.. Now my life has seemingly been divided into before Wynter passed and after wynter passed. And it's crazy how I never got to meet her on this side of heaven

  2. I started following Wynter on instagram a few months before she left for eternity. She was a beautiful soul. Her life was impactful. May she rest in God's eternal peace.

    I love how they speak about PROXIMITY. We can only position them to have a relationship with God.

  3. Talk about an event where the pieces just won't come together. Hmm" Our God is so awesome even when we can't figure him out he's yet our awesome God!! Father comfort the hearts and minds of all involved what's this untimely passing of a mother and wife in Jesus name Amen

  4. God bless you guys for what you do. May Wynter's soul rest in peace. This video has really changed some thoughts that i had. I kinda vowed not to have girls, not because I didn't want girls. Looking back now, I realize that it was only because I wasn't planning to do my best. When both boys and girls mess up, the girls are worse off. That's what I used to see. Now God has opened my eyes to see clearly. Thank you very much

  5. I followed Wynter and the rest of the Evans family on Instagram. I never met Wynter Pitts but gosh her passing hit me like a ton of bricks. It's hard for me to watch this. How can you grieve a person you never actually met? God just let me know the spiritual connection. She was and is my sister in Christ. She had such a tremendous impact on the body of Christ. I look forward to meeting her in Heaven. My prayers truly go out to her husband, daughters, and everyone else who loved her dearly.

  6. I just subscribed to this channel after watching this video, I'm a listener to focus on the family on positively different radio (107.5) but this video really blessed me as a newlywed wife and a girl who grew up to know that relationship with Christ is the only solution to a life that is messy and out of control. I can relate to the importance of introducing your kids to Gods word early and on a consistent basis because that would give them a foundation they can build on in their life

  7. Love the beautiful story where one of her daughters just wanted to be in her mom's presence. Pray that God will minister to them now, in that part of their hearts while their dear loving mother rests. Until that great getting up morning! May God embrace and bring rich comfort to that precious family.

  8. I just saw this! I wondered if they killed her for her organs! My spirit is soo distrubed! 3am this morning God showed me Wynter! Bless your family.

  9. R.I.P. my Hebrew Yisraelite daughter of Zion Wynter Pitts may The Most High our Elohim Yahuah bless and keep your Hebrew Yisraelite Husband/ Son of Zion and your daughters of Zion until you met them again in the Promiseland the Most High Yahuah promised our bloodline Ancient Ancestors Abraham, Isaac and Yisrael/ Yabov. We are the Real Children of Yisrael l pray your Husband learns the Hebrew Bible Biblical TRUTH thus saith the Lord thy our Elohim Yahuah and awaken from European Caucasian Christianity. The Holy Bible isn't a Christian Bible from Europe but a Hebrew Bible out of Ancient Northwest African- land of Ethiopia meaning Land Of The Blacks. Shabbat Shalom my Hebrew Yisraelite Mishpacha.

  10. RIP Wynter. You are still a blessing. The story about how our children sometimes just want to be with us is very eye opening for me.
    Wynter has really brought home to me how much we should cherish the time we have with our children. Tomorrow is never promised

  11. With 6 daughters, and 4 boys. They all the same, but choosing our battles is hard for me I must admit. I have a chatty son, and daughter.

  12. Learning of wynters passing is heart breaking. She was such a beautiful soul .I pray for God's guidance and protection for her beautiful daughters and husband. Rest well wynter.

  13. She still making an impact. Im going to start paying more attention to my children in making sure they don't just flip a puzzle but take the pieces and put them together 🕆🛐🙏🙇in Jesus name.
    I look forward to meeting her in heaven to say thank you for your wisdom. God bless prayers for u Brother Pitts you and your family

  14. At 12:10 she flashes the 6 sign with her left ✋. Yup she's illumanti.. at 38 dead.. very disturbing. Now her husband is promoting his career. I thought it odd for a few reasons.. video of their 15th Anniversary, it felt like a promo video as I watched it. Another thing, she "suddenly dies " after handing her FINISHED book in 4 hrs later… To me I think she was sacrificed.

  15. I just listened to Kirk Franklin's song "Wynter's Promise" and learned about Mrs. Pitts. May her soul rest well in Jesus ❤.

  16. Rest in Paradise 🙏Trials come to make us stronger. I pray for my son's future wives. My boys are 3,4 and seven months. I ask God to make them godly girls and I pray for a healthy and happy relationship with the wives and in-laws of my boys. Girls are precious ❤️

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