GOP Jesus


– Truly I say unto you, whoever welcomes one of these little ones in my name might be letting in a murderer or a drug. Let’s get her to a
detention center, you know, until we can figure out what’s going on. I was hungry and you
gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave
me something to drink. And behold, now I’m all lazy and entitled. You shouldn’t have done that. Do unto others as you suspect they might want to do unto you. What is a man profited if
he gain the whole world, but lose his soul? A lot, he is profited a lot. One soul for the whole world?
That is an amazing deal. Why do you look at the speck
of dust in your brother’s eye, but ignore the plank in your own? Because of… – Her emails. – Yes. If a man strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him and shoot
him, that is the law. If you want to be perfect,
go, sell all the possessions that you have and give the
money to a solid mutual fund. By this they will know
that you are my disciples, that you say Merry Christmas! Christ, Christmas! That’s my name in there
and I put it in there because I wanted it in there so we could all celebrate
big boy Jesus birthday time! OK? OK. – Rabbi, rabbi. Surely you can heal me.
– My child, of course I could, but
who would pay for it? – What, I don’t understand. I don’t have any money.
– Yes, it’s a sad story, but it does not make me responsible. It is super duper easy for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The richer the better, really. Maybe get a solid gold
house just to be sure. Love your neighbor as yourself, unless you are better than your neighbor. Then tell them that they’re weird and you do not want to bake them a cake. You have heard it said, thou
shalt not commit adultery, but I say to you any man who
looks upon a woman with lust in his heart should go ahead
and do what he’s gotta do. – Lord, your followers grow hungry and we have only this fish and bread. – Oh, sweet. – Boo.

100 comments

  1. Like if we are wrong about what Jesus said
    Dislike if we are wrong about being wrong about what Jesus said
    Heart if you are confused
    Reply if you are the devil
    Do nothing if you want to give us a billion money

  2. Jesus most likely was a conservative… So called Christians that are liberal democrats are like oil & water…a total contradiction… how is this isn’t funny or accurate…? 🤨somebody failed theology here

  3. Jesus advocated for Socialism which was responsible for 160-180 mil deaths in the 20th century alone. He advocated for theft and redistribution of wealth rather than Charity. He advocated for the destruction of the nuclear family, infanticide and for mother's to murder their offspring no matter what month. He advocated for lies, smugness, narcissism, and to not "give unto caesar what what is his" but to disobey immigration laws because entitled criminals who know of legal ports of entry shouldn't have to follow them. He advocated to call individuals bigots, xenophobes and white supremacists even when they weren't and even when the opposing ridiculing side advocated for similar immigration policies and border security but didn't have the balls to implement them let alone enforce the Constitution.

    Black is white and cold is heat.

  4. I live a more Christian lifestyle than most of those who call themselves Christian these days, and I'm an atheist.

  5. I am a believer of Christ. I've been so for many years and have had one incident where I could no longer deny my faith. Since I moved from home to attend college I have been berated by other members of churches for taking positions on matters of public policy that I have, i.e. I was not politically conservative enough. I ask, what is not Christian about supported the designation of protected lands, such as wilderness areas, National Park units and truly managing National Forests under the Multiple Use Act where all five major resource groups have equal footing, instead of timber and grazing completely dominating the process? What is not Christian about supporting the Endangered Species Act, after all God created all these species and God is all knowing and wise, so what gives us the right to disregard this wisdom and not give a lick about what we are destroying, every day, at an alarming rate? What is not Christian about voting for a city to end a contract with a poorly performing private fire department and establish a city fire department that doesn't hide its deficiencies from state and city inspectors? How about encouraging contraceptive advice and education available for all women, no matter their income level, age or country of residency. Added is the fact that the highest teenage pregnancy rates exist in places where "abstinence" is the only information given. Yes, I've been told I need to follow the "party line" to be "saved." How about many of the Christian religion denominations in the U.S. prohibiting women to take positions of responsibility in church organizations or even teach Sunday School to boys. They say it is biblical, but then ignore a few verses that say women cannot even speak or make a sound inside a church. They know that can't get away with that one so they sweep those verses under the rug. Funny thing, I don't find any of the above prescribed in the Bible.

  6. A late very good friend of mine was Catholic as far as church membership and also was a frequent world traveler. He most often did so without joining tour groups or using travel agents. He really knew his way around a lot of distant and remote, as well as some non remote locations in the 150 countries he visited in his life. I don't recall all of what he said, but he mentioned that Gandhi once asked some high ranking official of a Christian religion "why is it that so many of your Christians seem so unlike your Christ?"

  7. “Big Boy Jesus Birthday Time” is the new name for Christmas around here now. Yup

  8. GOP Jesus is another False Narrative of the Pagan Muslims who worship the Moon god, Allah, a Barran loveless planet!!! Whereas, Jesus is real and still has shown his love in America through the Republican Party, unlike the Liberals who worship Lust and Money. At least the GOP JESUS doesn't tell people to fly planes into Buildings or run down children or rape them.

  9. The modern Republican party doesn't follow Jesus, it follows Malthus who's philosophy just makes them feel better about themselves for being rich assholes.

  10. Republicans will be profoundly offended by this. Which will more or less confirm the entire characterization of them we find here……

  11. LOVE IT!!!!! This is so accurate it's scary. But then, back when Jesus was here, the Republican, er, religious leaders didn't do what they were supposed to do either. They hated Jesus so much they killed him. Does anyone actually think it's any different today? If Jesus came back like they all say they want him too, they would crucify him again if they could. I have a feeling they are all in for a rude awakening.

  12. FUCK YOU YOU GULLIBLE IDIOT!
    ANYONE NOT AFRAID OF THE FACTS CAN FIND OUT WHEN THE ROMANS MADE UP THE STORY OF JESUS TO CONSOLIDATE THE MANY RELIGIOUS FACTIONS INTO ONE MANAGEABLE GROUP, SOME 300 YEARS AFTER JESUS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN CRUCIFIED!! THEY WERE CRUCIFYING SO MANY THAT NO ACCURATE RECORDS WOULD BE AVAILABLE TO COUNTER THE STORY! WORKED TOO! Look at all you christian believers! The Romans knew what Hitler knew when he said the bigger lie will be better believed.
    Had to follow this "like" back to figure out that I hadn't watched the video but was spot on spouting what the video was about.

    I now subbed and owe you billions of money!
    Thanks a whole fuck of a lots.

    Tripolar cause Mania and Depression aren't Enough.

  13. Hmm, if only the makers of this video could uphold the standards that they satirically purport to uphold. Witty, possibly, but inherently self-condemning. Have you done a democrat Jesus in which he encourages everyone to kill their unborn children if they are an inconvenience? Then he goes on to tell everyone to remove God from government, schools, homes, and ultimately just says that God doesn't exist at all and we're all just cosmic accidents with no purpose or meaning? I bet that would help win people over to your way of thinking.

  14. Would love to share your GOP Jesus video, but, YouTube frequently precedes it with a no-collusion ad by The Epoch Times. I wouldn't share that crap with anyone.

  15. BRAVO. Only a person who really knows the Bible can come up with this. It has inspired my fodder for posts for a long, long time.

  16. How blasphemous. Republicans are the party of the devil. One day they will cry for mercy, the day they rot in hell.

  17. Spot on throughout. My fundamentalist neighbors are certain to troll this share – and my true Christian friends will howl, or cry – both are approprite

  18. Now with the most recent

    "I shall not have to apologise, for I am a stable genius. Thou 4 has been saying bad things about my country and you should go back to yours if you think you can change yours for the better. And lastly, thou 4 should apologize for the most hateful things you have said. If thou has a Nazi chasing you with a tiki torch, trust they are very fine people and you should accept what they say as freedom of speech."

    #NotATrumpSupporter just adding on

  19. Funny, but you don't have to be a socialist to be a Christian. Jesus talked of charity within the community, not Rome nationalizing and confiscating all wealth and giving out welfare.

  20. GOP JESUS: "I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. And behold, now I'm all lazy and entitled. You shouldn't have done that."

    (ONE SCENE LATER)

    RANDOM GUY: "Lord, your followers grow hungry and we have only this fish and bread."

    GOP JESUS: "Oh, sweet!" (GRABS FOOD AND LEAVES)

  21. 1:40 betrays what you really think about God: it is the government. Of course Jesus would not have asked who was going to pay for it; He, being God, could do it without using any resources. The government, however, is not God, and therefore needs to take the resources from someone else in order to pay for public healthcare. The difference between you and me is that I know Who God is: He requires me to personally donate to charities, to churches, to individuals in need, to visit the poor, to welcome strangers, and so on. You, however, believe that the government is the Holy Scapegoat, the thing which takes on everyone's burdens in its infinite power and benevolently bestows its good blessings upon all, but that is not how it works. It is no wonder that Christians who are also conservative on average donate far more to charity, adopt far more children, volunteer more for food drives, and are generally more involved in their communities than atheists, and I would venture to guess left-wing Christians.

  22. Republican Party is the Southern Baptist Convention & vice versa. Baptists have been meticulously brainwashed to believe excusing abhorrent behavior is "tolerance" and getting in bed with Neo-Nazis is "inclusion" Spoiler Alert: This shit does not end well.

  23. https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2019/09/13/donald-trump-illegal-migration-costs-americans-300-billion-each-year/
    Jesus might have been able to pull infinite fish out of his ass, but the U.S. taxpayer cannot.

  24. Jesus was basically a Muslim. That's why evangelicals and the GOP try to spread hate against Muslims. They don't want everyone to know that Jesus followed the Islamic values of helping others.

  25. The ironic thing is that if real Jesus ever came back the way they claim he will, the people who worship this Jesus would be the first to nail him up again.

  26. Great video! Too bad you diminish the message by mixing it with US politics. In my experience, followers of this "Jesus" are everywhere, to some degree. Most of all, perhaps (ironically) in my own mirror. 🙀

  27. if Jesus was a democrat he'd ban the Ten Commandments saying that they were offensive. He'd say that killing babys and changing your gender was ok even though it goes against what God made you.

  28. Ah yes, because demonizing half of the country always calms thing right down… stop acting as tho democrats are the saviors of this earth, it takes a mixed government to get shit done but you petty assholes on the right and left can’t realize that this world is more than just your political parties.

  29. As an atheist classic liberal I'm for closing all our military bases around the world. Bring the military home & use them to round up all the democrap drones in the borg commie collective & turn them into soylent green. The reduction of methane from their soy holes should be massive. DO IT for the PLANET!!!

  30. Whoever made the Portuguese subtitles, congrats! Make this even funnier lol (and why there's only PT subs other than EN?)

  31. so, I played this for someone I know that is exactly like this & did they get it? Nope… not only were they unable to see their resemblance in it, they couldn't see why acting like this was wrong. He actually said "seems reasonable to me."

  32. This would ONLY be good if you also have a DMC Jesus version. This is total distortion of what many actual individual Republican Christians believe. Like DMC-campaign propaganda level! But it probably does accurately reflect the far-right fringe minority that calls themselves Christian. But since it’s so unbalanced I can’t appreciate the truth of the satire unless you’re willing to show how absolutely hypocritical the far left is too. If you do that, I will consider a thumbs up. Otherwise, you’re just a part of the problem. The DNC is even more ungodly. Hopefully you will show that the true Jesus stands apart from EITHER worldly party, as His Kingdom is not of this world. I read many comments and hoped to find someone else saying this before me but I’m sad to say that I had to be the first.

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